First, take a deep breath! You will get through this year! The ebb and flow of the Senior year of high school is somewhat of an outlier experience from all other years of school. What I have observed over the years of teaching students, and also with my own daughter, is that the more you resist the harder it is. Resolve to go with the flow! The proverbial ‘river’ is actually TIME. There is one constant in a senior’s life, and that is time. 9 months is all each student has to get to the finish line- August to May or September to June. Time will catch every student. Time is the great equalizer. Seniors are excited to ‘rule the school’ in August, but by December they are a ball of knots, and highly emotional about all the changes that are being thrust upon them.
As a parent and educator, here are a few tips to help you ride the tide!
- Have the right perspective! Senior year is not really a final year, but a transitional year. Senior year is the launching pad that sets them up for the next 4 years of young adulthood.
- There will be many “lasts” this year, but reframe endings as new beginnings. If your student is a participant in many extracurriculars, help them see that they can always continue to pursue those in the future. Passions do not have to end at graduation.
- Frame your expectations with good communication. Begin having conversations about finance, on campus/off campus living, community college, 4 year college, and all that you are expecting of them the summer before their senior year. Give them a framework of expectation to work from. This framework will help them be more decisive with their choices.
- Allow for change. Kids grow up dreaming of what they will become. By 18 years old, much of what they have thought they would be their entire childhood begins to change. They see themselves through the lense of what they think they can achieve. Sometimes this does not fit the childhood dream. They begin to vocalize new things because they have an innate desire to be successful. They do not want to fail. New goals begin to emerge, because they are sizing up whether or not they actually have what it takes.
- New dreams begin to come into focus later on in the school year. It never fails. In August students will tell you one thing that they want to do in college, and by April they have honed in on their choice.
- Be prepared for a refining process throughout the year. This process can be emotional, physical, or spiritual. Students in this age range are solidifying beliefs, and preparing themselves to face the “real world”. Celebrate your senior! Depending on your student, celebrate them in a way that honors and encourages them. High school graduation is a big accomplishment. Your acknowledgement of their first big milestone will build their confidence for the future and help bring closure. There is no hard and fast way to do this, but it should coincide with their personality.
- You do not have to be in charge of all the details. There are many ways to make sure your senior has the support they need to navigate all the deadlines and details of senior year while preserving your relationship. Some suggestions include: Communicating with their counselor, acquiring a non bias mentor, calling a friend who has already graduated or hiring a life coach.
- Help them learn to self advocate. By the time they reach 12th grade, students should be able to confidently ask questions of adults to get what they need. Admissions counselors, teachers, and even their boss at work should not have to tell them everything. Help your student learn to ask questions, and most importantly ask for help. Coach your student by scripting questions for colleges. Encourage them to do the talking on the phone call to the admissions office or the financial aid office.
- Resist your own fear, and be vulnerable. Your student may not know your financial situation, and there are conversations you have never had because it was never the right time. It is ok to be honest with the level of support you are able to give your student through college. There is no cookie cutter map to success and every family is different. In this moment, allow your student to choose how they want to move forward based on reality. Support may come in many different ways: a home cooked meal, showing up at the University homecoming, filling up a tank of gas, care packages, or helping research grants/scholarships. Most of all, be confident that your love and encouragement will carry them through their post secondary years more than anything else!
